September 19, 1997
In a note released to the press just moments ago, the board of directors of FRATRICIDE, meeting in Dallas at this hour, has narrowly defeated a proposal to change the standard form of reference to the Vice President from "Spotted Al Gore" to "Tainted Al Gore." A spokesman for the magazine said that future issues of FRATRICIDE will continue to refer the Vice President with the now familiar disdain.
As more and more people have painful reason to know, the press has a nasty kind of power, the same kind of power a bully has; that of hurting somebody smaller and weaker than himself. An individual's only defense against the press is the law of libel, but considerable harm and much pain can be caused without going so far as to commit an actionable libel. Journalists themselves generally have a horror of being interviewed, "written up", or even noticed by the press; they know too well from their own experience how inept and cruel a distortion the result is likely to be -- even in photographs, which, in the lying phrase, "cannot lie".
... T. S. Matthews in Atlantic Monthly
The casual horrors and the real disasters are thrown at newspaper readers without discrimination. In the contemporary arrangement for spreading the news, an important element, evaluation, is always weak and often wanting entirely. There is no point anywhere along the line where someone puts his foot down for certain and says This is important and That doesn't amount to a row of beans, deserves no one's attention, and should travel the wires no farther. The junk is dressed up to look as meaningful as the real news.
... Philip M. Wagner
I do not often endorse other Internet features in this column, but I feel the need to point out the work of the Media Research Center. For sheer pleasure, for the sheer joy of seeing them dangle the media airheads by the heels, the Media Research Center's CyberAlert mailing list is just the ticket. Visit their web site at http://www.mediaresearch.org, and consider subscribing to their delightful mailing list.
dramatis personae
Billi -- a president
Hills -- a wife of a president
Press -- a sycophant
Ging -- a prophet
El Reno -- a natural force
women
chorus of useful idiots
[Scene one: an oval room]
Billi: Hand me another banana, would ya', Hills?
Hills: The feminist limit is one banana. You ought to
know that, Billi.
Billi: I'm sorry, I forgot. I'll jes' reach it myself. I
guess I'm just gettin' distracted by making all
this history.
Chorus: All power to Billi,
Through polls, willy-nilly;
Opposing is silly;
Just lie down and sleep.
His scandals don't matter,
His foes he will scatter.
While fat cats get fatter,
Socialism will creep.
(enter Press)
Press: Mr. Prez, Ah've jes' been runnin' over this speech
of your'n, and of course Ah've made the usual
substitutions, "contributions" for "taxes,"
"cooperation" for "knucklin' under," and "bipartisan
support" where it says "because we want it that
way." Couple of other suggestions Ah'd like to
make.
Billi: Whassat?
Press: Here where it says "obey," ya might be better off
sayin' somethin' like, "follow the example of the
bipartisan leadership." Ya cain't stress this
"bipartisan" stuff too much. Y'orta have it every
other word. You know, whatevah they do is partisan,
whatevah you do is bipartisan.
Billi: That sounds good, Press.
Press: Finally, the part about, "I'm going to imprison ever
last muthah who stands in my way," Ah think it
should read, "This office will vigorously use its
influence to defend the rights of the uhppressed."
Billi: You're right, Press. Jes' go ahead and fix it up.
Press: You bet, Mr. Prez!
(exit Press)
Billi: That boy has sure been helpful over the last few
years. Now, what I would like see happen is a
sympathy strike by the postal workers during this
UPS thing.
Hills: It's over.
Billi: You know, get those union juices goin' again. Hate
it that the Post Office ain't under the President's
thumb anymore.
Hills: The strike is over, Billi. They took a screwing.
Billi: You bet they did. Serves 'em right, operatin' a
capitalistic business like that, keepin' the
profits for themselves and forgettin' the workin'
man.
Hills: No, Billi, the strikers took a screwing.
Billi: Of course they did. Proves the power of the Labor
Movement.
Hills: The Labor Movement is dead, Billi. Reagan killed
it.
Billi: Oh, yeah, I forgot. We gettin' any kickback from
the settlement that we brokered?
Hills: Yes, but it is all going to Alexis Herman.
Billi: Ok, ok, no Labor Movement. How 'bout the Peace
Movement? Maybe we could get some leverage out of
that for a change.
Hills: You killed that. Two years ago. In Bosnia. Don't
you remember, you nitwit?
Billi: Oh, yeah. It sure ain't workin' anymore. OK,
Hills, how about we revive the Health Care Movement?
We were kickin' butt with that.
Hills: I killed that, three years ago. You getting
Alzheimer's?
Billi: Not yet. I remembered to cancel the thank-you notes
to John Huang and Johnny Chung.
Chorus: The workers have faltered;
The whole scene has altered;
The people who sheltered
Our movement have switched.
Since peace became war, and,
Like, we don't have Darmand,
There's hardly a farm hand
Who swallows our pitch.
Despite all defections,
There's no more elections.
The health care deception's
Considered a cinch.
(curtain)
[Scene two: a bedroom]
Woman: How nice of you to invite us to stay in the Lincoln
Bedroom, Mr. President.
Billi: Hope you enjoy it. I'm just here for the bill.
2nd Woman: How much is it, Mr. President?
Billi: Ten grand apiece. Make it out to the DNC.
3rd Woman: That seems like an awful lot.
Billi: Well, I could lower it.
4th Woman: Lower what, Billi, honey?
Billi: My pa..., uh, my fee.
5th Woman: My, my. I think he may be asking for a favor.
(all giggle)
Billi: Not at all, my dear, not at all. But I am a bit of
a connoisseur.
6th Woman: How much?
Billi: By about half.
7th Woman: Well, Mr. President, I am shocked. What about your
wife? Doesn't her slim figure attract you anymore?
Billi: That's why they call her Hills. I prefer
mountains, myself. Now, let's see here...
(a great huffing and puffing)
Billi: Whew! That was great! You gals 'bout wore me out.
Well, sleep tight. By the way, uh, no charge.
Chorus: No lawsuit can threaten
Our faith; we are bettin'
He beats Jones, that cretin.
She can't make him sing.
Republican scandals are
Great newsprint fodder.
But Billi gets raves, or
We don't see a thing.
(curtain)
[Scene three: the rose garden]
Billi: Ladies and gentlemen of the press, distinguished
guests, thank you all for coming to be with us here
on this great occasion this afternoon. Thank you,
in particular, Speaker Ging for joining hands with
us in the monumental effort to get a budget that's
fair to all the right people and unfair to everybody
else through this stubborn, extreme reactionary
Congress.
Ging: Thank you, Mr. President. This is a great
bipartisan occasion. May I have a doughnut?
Billi: Not yet. It is encouraging that the Enemies of the
People were finally able to come around to me and my
party's way of thinking on the important issues,
like welfare for corporations, pork for Democrats,
money to expand big bureaucracies, and protecting the
aged, the infirm, the deaf, the dumb, the halt,
minorities, women, children, the environment, and
the stupid from the ravages of selfish, fiendish,
middle-aged, white men.
Ging: You're right, Mr. President. We need to make
government smaller, more user-friendly, lower taxes,
provide a sound basis for investment, and increase
freedom and responsibility throughout our land.
Where do I sign?
Billi: You already did. I get to sign this time. By the
way, you owe me twenty. I told you the
congressional Republicans would fold. OK, you want
to hand me a pen?
(enter El Reno, flying)
El Reno: Woo, woo, stonewall, quash...
Ging: Here, what's that?
El Reno: Obstruction of justice, delay...
Billi: You don't know?
El Reno: Appeal, obfuscate...
Ging: No, I've never seen anything like that before.
Billi: That's El Reno. It's a condition that affects the
judicial climate here from time to time. Been with
us...
El Reno: Deny, deny, shred, deny...
Billi: ... ever since I came to Washington. Forecasters
say it will only last about three more years.
El Reno: See no evil, hear no evil...
Ging: Sure is a nuisance. By the way, I get that twenty
back. I lost more weight than you did.
Billi: Get a life, Ging. Besides, you kept the Speaker's
chair. Long as it lasts.
El Reno: Subornation, woo, woo...
Ging: Get away! Well, Billi, we'll be rid of you soon
enough.
Billi: Then you get Spotted Al, and I'll be vacationing
someplace where there's no extradition treaty. You
will enjoy Al. He's just a chip off the old block,
they say. Who knows? He might keep El Reno going.
El Reno: There's no need for a special prosecutor, no need,
no need...
Chorus: Hush money, soft money,
Payoffs to his honey,
Slush funds that are funny,
It's par for the course.
If this nation's his fief,
Laws should change. With his wife,
He can be Chief for life,
And protect us, because
While his hand's on the till,
An exposure of evil
Couldn't happen to Bill,
As it did to Dick Morris.
(curtain)
If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent?
... Jesus of Nazareth (Luke 11:11)
The journalistic pretence to a noble calling is as disgusting a form of hypocrisy as exists outside of elite government circles today. The higher one goes, the worse it gets, inverted in its values, like the Mafia or like professional sports, till one gets to the top. There flourish the conscienceless, ruthless ideologues that dominate the business, impervious to criticism, totally corrupt, people who will say or invent anything to further socialism.
Of course, the newspapers are bad even without the grotesque liberal bent they unerringly exhibit. The newspapers drip with melodrama as they record the grisly details of each airline disaster. The sports pages now look more like the police blotter. It is a truism that one cannot now read the sports section without degrees in both law and finance.
To this, one must add the inescapable impression that the premium press regularly carries the ball for the vile, corrupt incumbents in the White House. It is clear that they intend to extend that practice through the next presidentiad (assuming that we can get through this one). While we are told that gaining the whole world is not worth losing one's soul, it seems to me that the current preference for empty liberal rhetoric over honesty, reform, prudence, and justice represents the loss of one's soul on particularly unfavorable terms.
Against this sorry view of the press must be presented another perspective: when one looks at a newspaper, listens to a radio, or watches the television, one is, in effect, looking in a mirror -- not a mirror image of oneself, of course, but a mirror to our joint culture. If you see there an image that disgusts you, an image of venality, of vanity, of vulgarity, you are looking upon what truly is in our culture. The newspaper, or radio, or television program has been designed to imitate, as closely as modern information and public relations science can approximate, the values, attitudes, interests, and passions most attractive to the typical consumer. Look into the mirror, and see yourself and your fellow countrymen.
So, the premium press gives us what it thinks that we most want from them. Not surprising, is it? But this does not exonerate the press. On the contrary, so far from being a mitigation, I view it as an aggravating factor, and I am not the only one who does so (see Gospel). The news people, who pretend to such culture, literacy, and sophistication, incur far greater guilt for the destruction of our culture and morals than those who know no better.
Evil must needs be dreamt, spoken, and done, for that is the world's way, but woe to him by whom it comes to pass.
BUT, vile as the premium press is, as a whole, it is still better than a state-controlled press. There is a move afoot, among Hollywood celebrities and other such trash, to limit press freedoms, ostensibly in view of the events in Paris recently involving the so-called Princess (sorry, I don't believe in princesses). Certainly, there are ideological reasons aplenty on the Left for limiting a free press. Indeed, any limitations that the Left are able to win will work to the advantage of their persuasion. Suppression of free thought is both a means and an end of the Left's program.
If the Left, and its darling, the State, controls the press, then dissent can be stifled by the Left's mouthpieces without their ever having to raise their voices. On the other hand, celebrities, whenever they deign to open their mouths, are listened to and obeyed by millions, if not billions, of half-wits, viz., the idiotic campaign against land mines. So, the incentive is clear for the Left to co-opt as many celebrities as possible in their fight against a free press. But what is the incentive for celebrities?
There are, among the rich, the gaudy, the famous, and the infamous, doubtless quite a few genuine ideologues, people who care nothing for our freedoms, who want socialism, for whatever reason. And there are those who seek to secure their position among the elite, the nomenclatura. But I reckon that for most celebrities the reason that they oppose a free press is more personal: sexual deviancy, dope, and degeneracy of various kinds. More than anything else, a free press is a constant threat to reveal the scandal of their wicked, cursed lives.
I heard young Joshua Bell again the other night, ripping through Mendelssohn's Violin Concerto with his accustomed facility. I say, young, for he looks about fifteen, though he is in fact twenty-seven years old. Took my breath away.
The truth is, all these prodigies astound me. As an amateur violinist myself, I know a little about how difficult this instrument, or any instrument, for that matter, is to master. That a young person ten or twelve years of age should be able to play masterfully, so as bring tears to the eyes, is little short of miraculous. It is humbling to reflect that we are no closer to understanding that ability than we were five hundred years ago, when these geniuses began popping up in modern times.
Diana Windsor, nee Spencer
Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu (Mother Teresa of Calcutta)
Sir Georg Solti
Burgess Meredith
Rudolf Bing
RIP
As to the recent death of Mobutu Sese Seko, former Butcher of the former Zaire, we could hardly wait.
All contents © Copyright 1995, 1996 by Redmon Barbry ¶ 11:12 PM
