April 1, 1998
History repeats itself; historians repeat each other.
... Philip Guedalla
The world is so unpredictable. Here are some headlines we can expect to see in the coming months:
Study: 15 minutes of fame actually 11-1/2
Other 3-1/2 taken by commercials, scientists say
Y2K hits Microsoft: Windows 00 lost
Latest version purged because it appears to be 100 years old
Government balances budget
After three minutes it finally tips over
First Lady's new book hits best-seller list
Title: It takes a Village to occupy the President
Bosnians feared dead
Bosnians killed before US peace mission still dead, experts say
ACLU challenges prison system
ACLU board: Imprisoning criminals considered cruel, unusual
Peter Pan arrested in kidnapping, molestation sting
Pan proclaims innocence; feds mark association with fairy
Microsoft acquires rights to Bible, version 2.0 is 24 volumes
Also available in MultiMedia on 6 CD's
with music by Black Sabbath in late Q3 98
Senator confronts Congress with AK-47, 100-round clip
Unnamed California Senator subdued and
lead away peacefully by authorities
US math SAT scores dip again
Experts blame El Nino
China declares "one man, one vote"
China news agency: The one man will be President Jiang
Congress outlaws intelligence, top IQ allowed is 90
Supreme Court rejects review; entire court recuses itself
Joint chiefs: After cold war, look for cool, bracing war
Peace scare not a threat
President proposes new "thought tax"
First three thoughts per hour free; $5 penalty thereafter
Apple losses exceed gross world product fourth quarter
CEO: We have this whipped. Look out Intel!
Meteorological mystery: Hell freezes over
Denver Broncos win Super Bowl
Logs reveal Lewinsky frequent visitor to Lincoln bedroom
DNC reports no deposit made
Physicists announce plasma breakthrough
Blood banks to benefit from further development
Post reports VP Gore actually a hand puppet
Usually operated by controlling legal authority
UN says Saddam Hussein can be trusted to keep agreement
Kofi Annan also declares cow jumped over moon
Perot who?
Reclusive billionaire actually thought to be Howard Hughes
Hubble cannot see close up, scientists say
Space telescope to be fitted with bifocals
Gingrich named NRA Marksman of the Year
Seven holes found in Gingrich foot
IRS confiscates Nevada
Spokesman: "Congress wrote the law. We didn't."
Children of priests protest
Demand bilingual Latin instruction
Hague cites NBA in war crimes tribunal
UN requests peace-keeping forces for all franchises
North Texas in grip of midwinter mild spell
Temperature swings into 70's;
wild winter squalls up to 5 knots
The Dullest More Confused (Dallas Morning News) can always be relied upon to endorse anything so long as it can be proven to be thoroughly bogus. The editorial page frequently features what I have been moved to call "double-headers," a pair of editorials endorsing people or points of view that are located diametrically opposite to truth, justice, and Constitutionality. While this seldom leaks into the actual news sections, their bias for idiocy sometimes shows.
Take, for instance, Monday's top headline story: "Oregon and Michigan a study in contrasts on assisted suicide." It is true that Oregon has passed a "doctor"-assisted suicide law, while the legislators of Michigan are trying to pass some kind of law that will stop Kevorkian's unprosecutable slaughter of depressed people. But is "study in contrasts" the best we can come up with? How about, "Oregon goes down the drain while Michigan seeks to establish sanity." Or even, "Michigan doctors still try to torment terminal patient while Oregon doctors institute merciful termination measures." But don't give me this middle of the road bit.
In the article, the euphemisms flowed: "services," "facilities," "government assistance," instead of killings, death chambers, and state-sponsored murder. One must, I suppose, put on the appearance of objectivity. But no one is really neutral about life and death, are they? I mean, how can you sit on the fence on this one?
The prize catch of the day was this:
"We're willing to try something new and to realize that it's not perfected," said Dr. Kathleen Weaver, medical director of the Office for Oregon Health Plan Policy and Research. "It's something we're going to need to refine or maybe even refute. Maybe two years from now, we'll say, 'This isn't working' and move on."
After we've killed a few thousand people.
Am I the only one that can't see this? Maybe the assisted-suicide people have something, after all, and I am just missing it. I would start somewhere besides Oregon, if it were up to me. How about Washington, D. C.? Now there's a town full of depressed people. How would you like to get a subpoena from Kenneth Starr, like almost everyone in town has?
I can see how this could work. Downtown stands a tall, bright building full of hope and optimism for the distressed: the Vincent Foster Memorial Government Reduction-in-force Implementation and Dispatch Center. Locate it close to the Capitol. You would expect to see lines extending around the block. I can tell this is working; I am not as depressed as I was. Yes, write your Congressman immediately.
All contents © Copyright 1995, 1996 by Redmon Barbry ¶ 11:19 AM
